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Author Topic: The Battle of Brendan Chapter 3  (Read 7158 times)

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Offline AnnieUK

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The Battle of Brendan Chapter 3
« on: June 15, 2010, 01:53:00 AM »
Previous chapter: http://www.rhemuthcastle.com/index.php/topic,580.0.html


Richenda was less thrilled with the turn of events than Alaric had thought she might be.

“You gave him WHAT?”

“Don’t worry, I got the smith to dull the blade.  He won’t cut anything more than bread with it, although the castle cats may have a hard time for a while.”

Alaric looked at his wife and winked.

“Ah, don’t give me a hard time, my love.  He is so happy with it, and we had a nice time out there.   We re-enacted the Battle of Laas and I think he may become a bit of a strategist in due course.”

“Is the Battle of Laas the reason your clothes are covered in dust?”

“Ah...”

“And is Brendan in similar condition?”

“Well ... I think you may find he is a little worse.  I think some of the infantrymen took a bit of digging up.”

“What?”

“Never mind.”  He stopped and thought for a moment.  “You know, I very carefully didn’t say he or she about the baby, yet Brendan referred to it as a girl, which confirms what we both think.  If his Deryni senses are getting that sharp already maybe you need to think about bringing his training along a bit faster.”

He brushed some of the dust from his clothes and remarked “I rather enjoyed that game with Brendan.  Maybe we’ll do the Battle of Killingford next time.”  He wrapped both arms round his wife, nodded down towards her still slender waistline, and said “You know, I think I could quite enjoy being a father, after all.”

« Last Edit: January 18, 2017, 08:54:36 AM by Evie »

Offline AnnieUK

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The Battle of Brendan Chapter 3
« Reply #1 on: June 15, 2010, 01:56:00 AM »
First section ends a bit abruptly - any ideas?

First EVER attempt at fiction of any kind, apart from "stories" at school, so please be gentle LOL.

Offline Alkari

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The Battle of Brendan Chapter 3
« Reply #2 on: June 15, 2010, 02:17:23 AM »
That is SO wonderful!!  What did you mean, you've only done 'stories' at school :)!  

I can just see the whole situation, especially Alaric yelling at Brendan out of fear / relief at what might have happened, as much as anger at what did happen.   And I like the resolution, especially as Alaric is known as a tactician.   Playing soldiers and re-enacting battles is a time-honoured way of fathers and sons bonding, and in this case, it also provides an excellent way in for Alaric, so he can reassure Brendan that he won't be left out, and that (despite all the nasty gossip), Alaric is going to see that Brendan gets brought up as befits an earl.  

I think some of the infantrymen took a bit of digging up.”  LOL - classic line!

Only one minor 'practical' question - if Alaric was walking in the garden, and it was just a chance meeting with Brendan, why would Alaric be carrying the special dirk with him?   Would he have seen Brendan from the castle, and come down to 'accidentally' meet him?    But I really like your explanation of how special it is and what it means - and the fact that Alaric had has it suitably blunted.  No chance of lost fingers!

Ending of first section? Hmmm - it's OK as is, but if you wanted a gentler transition, maybe Alaric saying something along the lines of: he doesn't care either way as long as it's healthy etc (the usual sort of thing).  Only given Brendan's fears, perhaps a daughter would be nice?  Besides, he (Aaric) could never have too many beautiful women in his family - and he is sure a daughter would take after her mother! :)
 
« Last Edit: June 15, 2010, 03:46:30 AM by Alkari »

Offline Evie

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The Battle of Brendan Chapter 3
« Reply #3 on: June 15, 2010, 10:43:13 AM »
That's awesome, Annie!  I don't see why you were so worried.   :D

I love the idea of Alaric and Brendan bonding over war-gaming (I could so easily picture that scene!), and yes, the infantrymen line was priceless.   ;D

So....when do we get more? 
"In necessariis unitas, in non-necessariis libertas, in utrisque caritas."

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Offline AnnieUK

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The Battle of Brendan Chapter 3
« Reply #4 on: June 15, 2010, 11:32:34 AM »
OMG I am so happy.  Thank you!  I was feeling sick after I posted it, isn't that silly? 

Yes I wondered myself about him carrying the special dirk, but the solution to that didn't present itself at the time and I wanted to post it before I lost my nerve LOL.  I'll probably refine that bit in due course.

I could almost hear Alaric saying the infantryman line.  I feel I know Alaric, so I could write for him, but I definitely wouldn't tackle a whole new character like Evie's unnamed Deryni.

And I was tempted to reprise nurse Evie   ::)  but Richenda told me very firmly that she didn't want that wench in her nursery making eyes at her husband, thank you very much!

Um, as I was going to bed another idea did come to me, but I'm not sure I know enough about horses to pull it off (not that I know anything about military strategy either LOL).  Watch this space.... I could be hooked.

Offline Evie

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The Battle of Brendan Chapter 3
« Reply #5 on: June 15, 2010, 12:27:50 PM »
I could almost hear Alaric saying the infantryman line.  I feel I know Alaric, so I could write for him, but I definitely wouldn't tackle a whole new character like Evie's unnamed Deryni.
Oh, in so many ways a new character is much easier, because no one else can say, "No, you got him/her all wrong!" 

Quote
And I was tempted to reprise nurse Evie   ::)  but Richenda told me very firmly that she didn't want that wench in her nursery making eyes at her husband, thank you very much!

*dies laughing*  No worries there.  Alaric Morgan is a fine specimen of healthy male, but I'm quite content to watch him ogle his own wife.  *stares wistfully out the window wondering when Cousin Duncan might pay another visit* 

 :D
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Offline Elkhound

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The Battle of Brendan Chapter 3
« Reply #6 on: June 15, 2010, 02:57:06 PM »
As for Alaric knowing where Brendan was, they are both Deryni, and have been close enough that Alaric knows Brendan's 'aura' or 'power signature' or whatever you want to call it.  It would be a simple extension of his mind to know Brendan's general vicinity.  (Not that he'd know all the time, but if Brendan were within range, Alaric would probably only need to concentrate a little.)

Offline Alkari

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The Battle of Brendan Chapter 3
« Reply #7 on: June 15, 2010, 04:37:38 PM »
Um, as I was going to bed another idea did come to me, but I'm not sure I know enough about horses to pull it off (not that I know anything about military strategy either LOL).  Watch this space.... I could be hooked.
Email me with any questions.  I owned horses for years, so may be able to help.  My dear old last Thoroughbred (who somehow largely reappeared as Ant!)  was put down 3 years ago at age 27, and I miss him greatly.   

Offline AnnieUK

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The Battle of Brendan Chapter 3
« Reply #8 on: June 16, 2010, 01:02:24 PM »
Thanks, Alkari.  The thoughts that I had, when I carried them through further, led to Derry doing something that he knew would lead to a horse being hurt, and I really couldn't see him doing that, so I'm going off on a slightly different route.  I may need you once the route becomes clearer to me, though.

Offline Evie

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The Battle of Brendan Chapter 3
« Reply #9 on: June 16, 2010, 01:21:56 PM »
Essay question:  Sean Earl Derry spies a burning building.  The building contains a gorgeous woman and a thoroughbred R'Kassi stallion.  Derry only has time to rescue one.  Which will he save?  Discuss.

(Just kidding!   :D)
"In necessariis unitas, in non-necessariis libertas, in utrisque caritas."

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Offline Alkari

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The Battle of Brendan Chapter 3
« Reply #10 on: June 16, 2010, 05:13:57 PM »
Derry grabs the stallion and leaps on its back, rides to where the beautiful woman is screaming her head off from an upstairs window.  She jumps into his strong and manly arms, and he carries her off in triumph.  See - easy!   

Offline Evie

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The Battle of Brendan Chapter 3
« Reply #11 on: June 16, 2010, 05:17:24 PM »
*ponders*

Does he take volunteers?   ;)

"In necessariis unitas, in non-necessariis libertas, in utrisque caritas."

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Offline AnnieUK

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The Battle of Brendan Chapter 3
« Reply #12 on: June 17, 2010, 01:44:32 PM »
*also ponders*

Can we arrange for it to be Alaric taking volunteers?

Actually I think it would be more clear-cut for Alaric - the whole knightly honour thing would mean the damsel in distress got saved and the horse could take care of itself.

Offline Evie

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The Battle of Brendan Chapter 3
« Reply #13 on: June 17, 2010, 01:48:37 PM »
Oh, he can save both!  Let's see....  Alaric leaps into the burning building, scoops up the damsel in distress, rushes out and waits under the second story window for the horse to jump....

Um, wait, there's a slight flaw in that plan.  I think Alkari's better at this than I am....   :D
"In necessariis unitas, in non-necessariis libertas, in utrisque caritas."

--WARNING!!!--
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Offline kirienne

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The Battle of Brendan Chapter 3
« Reply #14 on: June 19, 2010, 06:16:58 PM »
This is WONDERFUL! I loved seeing Papa Alaric with his wee stepson playing "army" with the twigs and stones and I love the bond begining to form between the two. Please write more!!!!! Pretty Please? With some Fianna Red on top? You painted such lovely scenes with your words, I look forward to reading more stories from you. I love seeing the family man aspect of my favorite duke.

 


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