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Author Topic: Zane  (Read 13481 times)

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Offline Elkhound

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Re: Zane
« Reply #30 on: July 27, 2013, 08:10:51 PM »
I've been trying to think why Zane's death has prostrated me so, more than the deaths of the humans in my life.

When my grandmother died, I felt like I had to be strong for my parents.  When my mother died, I felt like I had to be strong for my father.  When my father died, as his reserve trustee/executor, there was so much to *do*, I couldn't break down (and besides, I still had Zane).

Zane's death was totally unexpected, and the "business" was concluded in less than a week.  I thought I was OK, that I was sad, but I could move on.  Then, just after my birthday, it hit me--I'm all alone now.  I never married, never had kids, have no brothers or sisters, and with Zane's passing my last connection to my parents was severed.

Offline Evie

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Re: Zane
« Reply #31 on: July 27, 2013, 09:48:25 PM »
You're mourning for that lost connection, that sense of being part of the greater whole that was originally your family, and later shifted to that bond formed between you and Zane.  Now all of those connections have been severed, and you are finally left with both the fresh grief and the unresolved grief from the past.  Perfectly natural under the circumstances.  Of course, coming to grips with it intellectually and learning how to deal with this new stage of your life emotionally are two totally separate things. 

Learning to shift that focus to the more recent connections in your life--your friendships--might help to re-establish some feeling of connectedness to the rest of the world that can help you transition more smoothly through this time of grieving.  Both local friends and online friends can lend you a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on when you are feeling down.  Local friends have the advantage of being able to take you out for a quick bite to eat or a walk in the park from time to time so you'll feel less isolated.  It's kind of hard to do that online, though when there's a will, there's a way.  (I used to do the virtual equivalent of hanging out with a friend or two in a cafe when I was active in Second Life.  Though since sunshine and exercise can both help to offset depression, actually getting out would be a much better alternative than spending time in virtual reality.  And yes, that's coming from the one whose keyboard is practically grafted to the ends of her fingers....   :) )

At any rate, ((hugs)) for you.
"In necessariis unitas, in non-necessariis libertas, in utrisque caritas."

--WARNING!!!--
I have a vocabulary in excess of 75,000 words, and I'm not afraid to use it!

Offline Laurna

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Re: Zane
« Reply #32 on: July 28, 2013, 11:33:17 AM »
Hi Elkhound,  I am glad you came on to talk to us.  I was starting to worry about you.  I can understand when grief is more about a number of things than just the one thing that set it off. It takes time to find your way again. Evie has the best idea= find a single person you can have coffee with. Go out to starbucks or some small cafe and talk to someone about anything.  Another person, face to face, can really help to move you forward. It's a nice day, go out into the air and sunshine.

Offline Elkhound

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Re: Zane
« Reply #33 on: October 12, 2013, 06:53:51 PM »
I thought I was OK, then last week we had our St. Francis observance/Blessing of the Animals.  For the first time we included a pet necrology, and of course Zane's name was on it of course.

I cried and cried and cried.

Offline Aerlys

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Re: Zane
« Reply #34 on: October 12, 2013, 11:15:48 PM »
I have a relic of our dear St. Francis. Tonight I will pay him a visit, and ask him to comfort you and help you heal.   
"Loss and possession, death and life are one, There falls no shadow where there shines no sun."

Hilaire Belloc

Offline Laurna

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Re: Zane
« Reply #35 on: October 13, 2013, 03:29:01 PM »
Elkhound, It is really OK to be reminded of loss. Grief has no time limited and it never leaves us entirely. I still morn for my bother who I lost 12 years ago. I'm currently taking a writing class and I am learning some things. Now I know you are an English teacher so I do not have to remind you that writing is about passion.  I can see you have a lot of passion. So break out the old word processor. Write something that underlines your passion. It can  be cryptic that only you understand.  You  don't even have to share it with anyone. but you can if you like. It is a really nice Sunday afternoon, you could just write about what you see though your window.

 


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