Two Kingdoms 14: Crystal

[Nezz]

Good thought! I think I may do something very like that. I have a meeting (yes, I know, a holiday weekend, alas) this morning, but I'll do a bit of editing today. Merci!

I like what you have set up.  I think just a little change to be clearer about Christian's Deryni Testing crystals will let the reader know what is really going on.
If you don't mind a suggestion, perhaps instead of saying- "The blue crystal is cupped under Christian's hand."  Try something like this instead- "The blue crystal slips out of Christian's sleeve,  he turns it between his fingers for Aurelian to see and quickly palms it after, the guards and the courtiers at Aurelian's back are none the wiser."

That would leave no doubt who was the owner of the crystal and change the reader's view of the rest of the conversation.

I think also some sign of familiarity with the stone (from either Charissa or Christian) would be helpful to let us know who owns it, that it's not just something Christian found.

[DoctorM]

I will make a few edits. Merci!

Good thought! I think I may do something very like that. I have a meeting (yes, I know, a holiday weekend, alas) this morning, but I'll do a bit of editing today. Merci!

I like what you have set up.  I think just a little change to be clearer about Christian's Deryni Testing crystals will let the reader know what is really going on.
If you don't mind a suggestion, perhaps instead of saying- "The blue crystal is cupped under Christian's hand."  Try something like this instead- "The blue crystal slips out of Christian's sleeve,  he turns it between his fingers for Aurelian to see and quickly palms it after, the guards and the courtiers at Aurelian's back are none the wiser."

That would leave no doubt who was the owner of the crystal and change the reader's view of the rest of the conversation.

I think also some sign of familiarity with the stone (from either Charissa or Christian) would be helpful to let us know who owns it, that it's not just something Christian found.

[revanne]

I love the ambiguity of your writing which forces us to see things from different  perspectives.


I wonder where Richenda's loyalties would lie in this AU scenario. We know that Bran Coris is a good father from Canon and, as arranged  marriages went, not a bad, if somewhat indifferent, husband. The Richenda who is the wife of a successful general and Duke might feel very differently to the Richenda  who is the widow of a traitor.  I am reminded  of the epigram by the Elizabethan (16th century) courtier Sir John Harrington


"Treason doth never prosper,
What's  the reason?
If it prosper,
None dare call it treason."


I would tend to agree with Charissa that Richenda would have too much to lose by actively  being a spy, although of course her motives and priorities  would not necessarily entirely match with Charissa's. As a hidden Deryni, though, she has little reason to trust the Haldane dynasty, and a chance encounter  on a road with a helpful man disguised as a peasant, if it happened  at all, would surely remain only that.

[DoctorM]

A very good point--- and I'd forgotten that epigram, one that's true indeed. Richenda's loyalties have to be tangled. However neglected she feels by Bran-- or humiliated by his infidelities --her marriage isn't something she can just put aside. There's no divorce in her world. As a nobleman's daughter and the wife of a successful general and a new-made duke, she can't walk away from titles and status, or risk her son's career. Her family's loyalties are in play, too. We'll just have to see how she sorts out life in a season where everything solid seems to be melting into air.

I love the ambiguity of your writing which forces us to see things from different  perspectives.


I wonder where Richenda's loyalties would lie in this AU scenario. We know that Bran Coris is a good father from Canon and, as arranged  marriages went, not a bad, if somewhat indifferent, husband. The Richenda who is the wife of a successful general and Duke might feel very differently to the Richenda  who is the widow of a traitor.  I am reminded  of the epigram by the Elizabethan (16th century) courtier Sir John Harrington


"Treason doth never prosper,
What's  the reason?
If it prosper,
None dare call it treason."


I would tend to agree with Charissa that Richenda would have too much to lose by actively  being a spy, although of course her motives and priorities  would not necessarily entirely match with Charissa's. As a hidden Deryni, though, she has little reason to trust the Haldane dynasty, and a chance encounter  on a road with a helpful man disguised as a peasant, if it happened  at all, would surely remain only that.

[Laurna]

I am intrigued.

[DoctorM]

Excellent! I love intriguing readers.

I am intrigued.