https://docs.google.com/document/d/1BdP3scqtracTHW85cmVj9p6K0WBQC11WYgLta1RQcDo/edit?usp=sharing
Text paste replaced with link to Google Doc. It'll grow as I add to the story.
Glad to see you (and Sir Albin) back! I'm looking forward to reading more of this story. :)
Really like the story because it's set outside Gwynedd and because I like Albin. I am curious about the Nosairi so hope you will include more about them in later chapters. I wonder who the shadowy Deryni from the cold north would be. I like that you've set up the, as yet unnamed, assassin character. I wonder when Albin will realize the thievery is really attempts on his own life. I wonder when Albin will realize this is a challenge. The twist of the Nosairi taking the information from Conall... I wonder when we will results from the Conall reading arise in this story. Meanwhile, how does Albin feel about his father?
In summary, I like it. Thank you for writing, and please post more when you can.
Quote from: NavaWazr on November 02, 2014, 03:56:53 PM
Really like the story because it's set outside Gwynedd and because I like Albin. I am curious about the Nosairi so hope you will include more about them in later chapters. I wonder who the shadowy Deryni from the cold north would be. I like that you've set up the, as yet unnamed, assassin character. I wonder when Albin will realize the thievery is really attempts on his own life. I wonder when Albin will realize this is a challenge. The twist of the Nosairi taking the information from Conall... I wonder when we will results from the Conall reading arise in this story. Meanwhile, how does Albin feel about his father?
In summary, I like it. Thank you for writing, and please post more when you can.
Thanks!
You've raised many of the very reasons I felt compelled to write about Albin. I saw in the little boy a future man who had choices to make and a patrimony that he needed to live down rather than inherit. I also naturally figured that once Nigel accepted his grandchildren they would be raised with the family, and with that would inevitably come knightly and esoteric training. In KKB we saw that Kelson intended, starting with Araxie, to empower Haldane family members so that there would be greater power shared among the family, probably as much as a guard against future jealousies such as Conall's as it was a need to increase the family power base for the defense of the realm. I simply dealt Albin in on that.
The Nosairi are not an invention- The Assassins were of the Nizari Ismaili sect of Islam, and were the sometimes adversaries of the Crusaders and the Knightly orders of the Church during the lifetime of the Latin Kingdom of Jerusalem. I just changed the name a bit. That change and the addition of the Deryni among them plus the storyline I applied to them is the only fiction there- They were real.
As for Albin's feelings on Conall... Stay tuned!
Hey, Elec, to help latecomers find all the pieces of your story without having to go hunting through the Deryni Fanfic folder for them (especially as any new comments will instantly pop an older chapter to the very top of the folder), could you link them together? Here is the link for your opening "teaser" chapter that you posted a few months ago: http://www.rhemuthcastle.com/index.php/topic,1206.0.html (http://www.rhemuthcastle.com/index.php/topic,1206.0.html) At minimum, it helps readers if you add a link to the next chapter at the bottom of the previous chapter, but for those who need to backtrack and find the beginning of a story, it helps if there is also a link at the top of chapters linking back to the one before it. DesertRose has started an story database that makes it easier for readers to get to a particular chapter of a story, but the latest stories haven't been added to that sheet yet, so until she gets around to it (or delegates the task to someone else with edit permissions on that file), the in-story links help a lot.
Actually, I have enough to link to a Google Drive doc like I did The Passing. I was waiting to pass a certain point before I linked. I won't post more teasers, just mentions to check in for another dozen pages or so.
IMHO, there was too much exposition here. This was not so much a story as a gigantic info-dump.
Quote from: Elkhound on November 02, 2014, 08:31:54 PM
IMHO, there was too much exposition here. This was not so much a story as a gigantic info-dump.
My fault. I need to budget more than 47 minutes to write something I post for others to read. I won't make that mistake again.
I like Sir Albin Haldane, and this unnamed assassin will be a difficult challenge. I foresee a few harrowing encounters in Prince Albin's future.
I'm looking forward to the next chapters and finding out how Sir Albin's current, hard-line attitude towards thieves and criminals leads to a "Best Judgment."
Huzzah! A new installment from Elec P. Carpenter! I was beginning to fear you, too, had fallen victim to some sinister plot to prevent us from learning the story of Albin Haldane.
Quote from: Elec P. Carpenter on November 02, 2014, 09:07:15 PM
My fault. I need to budget more than 47 minutes to write something I post for others to read. I won't make that mistake again.
Hey, you accomplished more in 47 minutes than I can in 47 days.
Forty Seven Minutes Dedicated to Writing in Aerlys's Day: (a.k.a No worries, Elec. ANYTHING is better than this!)
The wolves turned their attention to Rook. They l....
"Mom, look at Alfie!" Mini Mister shoves a toy robot in my face. "Look at his hand!" A carefully-balanced cracker in the toy's hand drops crumbs all over the floor.
"Wow, Alfie looks hungry."
"That's my cracker."
"Are you sharing?"
"Mmm hmm, and he's sharing with me, look!" Mini Mister begins to eat cracker from robot's hand.
"Very clever. Go finish your lunch."
"Ok."
Let's see, where am I? The wolves were...what? Licking? Looking? Oh, I remember...
They lowered their heads. Wait, no. Heads lowered...
"MOM!" The dog peed in my room!"
Sigh. I walk to the room. It's not pee, but a small, brown pile of unpleasantness. Mess is cleaned up, dog deposited outside. Grab cup of coffee.
Let's try this again. Heads lowered, they growled menacingly... No, the other way. They lowered their heads as they approached, growling menacingly. Rook tried to stand..
"Mommy, is there such a name as Bernadette in this world in these days and not back then?" DD3 tugs on my skirt, clutching a little doll. My mind grinds as it switches gears and I try to translate the question.
"Oh, yes. There are people named Bernadette."
"Are they pretty?"
"Probably."
"Is it a good name for a doll?"
"Yes, I think so."
"OK. Thanks, Mom. Come on, Bernadette." Skips away.
Mini Mister climbs up next to me with a pile of books. DD3 skip back in, and tries to squish in between him and me. "MOOOOVE!" she whines.
"I want to be next to her!" Mini Mister shoves back. Books slide to the floor.
DD3 points. "You're making a mess! Pick up the books from the floor! Mooooom! He's making a mess!" She picks up a book, and sets it on his head.
"STOP!"
"OK you two, out!" I take them to the table, find them something else to do.
Rook tries to stand, but his head...
DD1 comes in with the cheese slicer. "Can you fix this? It's stuck." I try to unstick the adjuster, and nearly slice off my finger. Go to bathroom, clean and bandage injury. Sit back down to keyboard. Try to type with fat finger.
...swamm siukineningky. Argh! ...swam sickeningly. He couldn't even get to his knees. Instead, he curled himself into a tight ball and squeezed his eyes shut.
RINNNG!!!!Answer phone. ""Allo? Yes, please is this the lady of the house with whom I am speaking? I am with Microsoft Word and am calling about your windows computer that is needing to have fixing..."
Grind teeth. "I have told you. We don't HAVE a Windows computer! STOP CALLING..."
Click!Grumble, grumble...
Return to laptop, only to find it is overheating again. Mentally calculate how much longer we need to wait until we can get a new computer, and pray this one doesn't croak before then.
I turn it off, and search for chocolate.
And don't ask how long it took to write THAT! You don't want to know... ;)
/me dies laughing
YES! YES YES YEEESSSS!!!! That's exactly what it's like trying to write when my kids are home, and mine are nearly grown, not to mention there's only two of them! ;D Most of my writing in my children's younger years had to wait until after their bedtimes, but unfortunately "bedtime" for my DD is now after my own, due to my present work schedule necessitating an earlier start to the day than I used to have to cope with. So I don't even get that break anymore.
Elec, I envy your 47 minute chapter. I used to be able to write those on occasion, but nowadays, not so much. *wistful sigh*
Yup, and it only seems to come together on a free Sunday morning which doesn't come along often. After 9 hours at work and a commute home, I'm lucky if I can create dinner from leftovers much less acceptable prose.
Aerlys, I am so waiting for your story when it is eventually ready for posting! :)
I found wonderful dark chocolate made to be paired with wine. Please have some (of both) - you've earned it! ;)
(And when Mini Mister grows up to be a famous author, we'll know where he got it from!)
QuoteAnd don't ask how long it took to write THAT! You don't want to know... ;)
I'm guessing 15 really solid, focused minutes. Yes! ;D
Aerlys, I read that at lunch in the work break-room laughing out loud, and got a few curious glances my way. I think you are missing your calling. You should be writing weekly family antidotes, or children's epic tales
Mini-Mister, the Conqueror of Leisure Time. Elec, If you can do that in 47 minutes perhaps you could be a contender for the November NanoWriMo. I have heard that some people can actually succeed with this challenge. I can not even imagine writing so fast. ;D
I had time this morning to peck away at it. There is a bit more to read. I'll just keep working at it and if you care to check in from time to time there may be a bit more to read.
Quote from: Laurna on November 04, 2014, 03:02:57 AM
QuoteAnd don't ask how long it took to write THAT! You don't want to know... ;)
I'm guessing 15 really solid, focused minutes. Yes! ;D
Aerlys, I read that at lunch in the work break-room laughing out loud, and got a few curious glances my way. I think you are missing your calling. You should be writing weekly family antidotes, or children's epic tales Mini-Mister, the Conqueror of Leisure Time.
Elec, If you can do that in 47 minutes perhaps you could be a contender for the November NanoWriMo. I have heard that some people can actually succeed with this challenge. I can not even imagine writing so fast. ;D
It only works for me because I have story lines worked out in my head and I don't have time to write that matches my desired output. I can type passably well, and it sometimes flows right out. It really flows when I'm writing about the Deryni. I wish my own material went to paper as smoothly.
@Elec:
/me dies laughing at Albin's "message" in the updated story!
Please continue. Only, if you're going to just update your Google Doc as you go rather than posting chapters here, please post a notice letting us know when there is more available to read, or at least at the end of each new chapter). Otherwise, many of us tend to be quite "out of sight, out of mind." Or at least I definitely am. I would hate to miss Albin's continuing adventures due to forgetting to check the link regularly.
Quote from: Elec P. Carpenter on November 04, 2014, 10:30:24 AM
It only works for me because I have story lines worked out in my head and I don't have time to write that matches my desired output. I can type passably well, and it sometimes flows right out. It really flows when I'm writing about the Deryni. I wish my own material went to paper as smoothly.
Oh, I have plenty of storylines in my head. I just can't seem to get them out of my cranium and onto paper. Forget Dragon Voice Recognition software. I've decided that I need Deryni Brain Recognition software. Much faster.
That little glimpse into my writing challenges was practically a dictation! I did leave out the part where Mini Mister put a throw pillow on my head and said, "Here's your wart, Mommy." :o
I've thought about doing children's fiction, but haven't taken the leap, yet. At least I have a test audience handy. :)
Glad I could give y'all all a chuckle. I'll grab a bottle of Fianna red and be right over, Jerusha. :D
Yew ain't from around here, are ya, Aerlys? It's "all y'all." ;D
Nah. Closest I ever got was the Shenandoah Valley in Virginia (and they definitely have their own way of speaking), and I didn't stay long!
I'm actually a "you guys" kind of gal, but was feeling a bit punchy last night. :)
Round here it would be "yous all" :)
Been pecking at it this afternoon in between calls from work. There's a bit to read.
Nice addition, Elec. That's a little lesson Albin will remember, I'm sure. Looking forward to more.
Bit off a little more than he really wanted to chew, did he? Heh. Love Kelson's reaction to the situation! ;D
Hope someone is going to rescue the poor lad before too long though
QuoteAlbin looked sick.
Poor Albin, that is almost cruel of Kelson. :D Unfortunately, Albin earned it. He will learn. That is, I do hope he will live long enough to learn.
It was the Kelsonus Rex that got me - Albin's really in trouble when Kelson goes all Latin and pulls rank. Ok - it's a taste of his own medicine but Byzantium is a cruel place to be taught a lesson
I read the three installments, with a sense of humor. Albin surely knows how to make his presence felt. Part of me is laughing about the agreement of the Grand Master AND King Kelson to 'clean up the vermin'. It's hard enough to be a member of a jury, but to be a judge. EWWWW!!!! that takes a certain insight of maintaining impartiality without becoming to strict or cruel. I wait more from you. Writing isn't easy, and doing it right is a challenge.
I guess it's me. I can't find a second installment unless the 26 pages I read on google was all of it. I got confused because I was looking for something that said second installment.
This is fun!