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Author Topic: Best Judgment- 2nd installment  (Read 6381 times)

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Offline Elec P. Carpenter

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Best Judgment- 2nd installment
« on: November 02, 2014, 10:43:53 am »
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1BdP3scqtracTHW85cmVj9p6K0WBQC11WYgLta1RQcDo/edit?usp=sharing

Text paste replaced with link to Google Doc. It'll grow as I add to the story.
« Last Edit: November 02, 2014, 10:07:26 pm by Elec P. Carpenter »
"The fact that when you drink you can hold your liquor is no excuse for drinking all the liquor you can hold."

A Dad's advice to his Son.

Offline Evie

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Re: Best Judgment- 2nd installment
« Reply #1 on: November 02, 2014, 12:21:20 pm »
Glad to see you (and Sir Albin) back!  I'm looking forward to reading more of this story.   :)
"In necessariis unitas, in non-necessariis libertas, in utrisque caritas."

--WARNING!!!--
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Offline NavaWazr

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Re: Best Judgment- 2nd installment
« Reply #2 on: November 02, 2014, 03:56:53 pm »
Really like the story because it's set outside Gwynedd and because I like Albin. I am curious about the Nosairi so hope you will include more about them in later chapters. I wonder who the shadowy Deryni from the cold north would be. I like that you've set up the, as yet unnamed, assassin character. I wonder when Albin will realize the thievery is really attempts on his own life. I wonder when Albin will realize this is a challenge. The twist of the Nosairi taking the information from Conall... I wonder when we will results from the Conall reading arise in this story. Meanwhile, how does Albin feel about his father?

In summary, I like it. Thank you for writing, and please post more when you can.
I realized that I wanted to be Deryni, would have loved to be another niece of Uncle Azim, perhaps living on a Fianna vineyard.... but I'm a never wazzer

Offline Elec P. Carpenter

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Re: Best Judgment- 2nd installment
« Reply #3 on: November 02, 2014, 04:16:59 pm »
Really like the story because it's set outside Gwynedd and because I like Albin. I am curious about the Nosairi so hope you will include more about them in later chapters. I wonder who the shadowy Deryni from the cold north would be. I like that you've set up the, as yet unnamed, assassin character. I wonder when Albin will realize the thievery is really attempts on his own life. I wonder when Albin will realize this is a challenge. The twist of the Nosairi taking the information from Conall... I wonder when we will results from the Conall reading arise in this story. Meanwhile, how does Albin feel about his father?

In summary, I like it. Thank you for writing, and please post more when you can.

Thanks!

You've raised many of the very reasons I felt compelled to write about Albin. I saw in the little boy a future man who had choices to make and a patrimony that he needed to live down rather than inherit. I also naturally figured that once Nigel accepted his grandchildren they would be raised with the family, and with that would inevitably come knightly and esoteric training. In KKB we saw that Kelson intended, starting with Araxie, to empower Haldane family members so that there would be greater power shared among the family, probably as much as a guard against future jealousies such as Conall's as it was a need to increase the family power base for the defense of the realm. I simply dealt Albin in on that.

The Nosairi are not an invention- The Assassins were of the Nizari Ismaili sect of Islam, and were the sometimes adversaries of the Crusaders and the Knightly orders of the Church during the lifetime of the Latin Kingdom of Jerusalem. I just changed the name a bit. That change and the addition of the Deryni among them plus the storyline I applied to them is the only fiction there- They were real.

As for Albin's feelings on Conall... Stay tuned!
"The fact that when you drink you can hold your liquor is no excuse for drinking all the liquor you can hold."

A Dad's advice to his Son.

Offline Evie

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Re: Best Judgment- 2nd installment
« Reply #4 on: November 02, 2014, 07:26:48 pm »
Hey, Elec, to help latecomers find all the pieces of your story without having to go hunting through the Deryni Fanfic folder for them (especially as any new comments will instantly pop an older chapter to the very top of the folder), could you link them together?  Here is the link for your opening "teaser" chapter that you posted a few months ago:  http://www.rhemuthcastle.com/index.php/topic,1206.0.html   At minimum, it helps readers if you add a link to the next chapter at the bottom of the previous chapter, but for those who need to backtrack and find the beginning of a story, it helps if there is also a link at the top of chapters linking back to the one before it.  DesertRose has started an story database that makes it easier for readers to get to a particular chapter of a story, but the latest stories haven't been added to that sheet yet, so until she gets around to it (or delegates the task to someone else with edit permissions on that file), the in-story links help a lot.
"In necessariis unitas, in non-necessariis libertas, in utrisque caritas."

--WARNING!!!--
I have a vocabulary in excess of 75,000 words, and I'm not afraid to use it!

Offline Elec P. Carpenter

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Re: Best Judgment- 2nd installment
« Reply #5 on: November 02, 2014, 08:03:03 pm »
Actually, I have enough to link to a Google Drive doc like I did The Passing. I was waiting to pass a certain point before I linked. I won't post more teasers, just mentions to check in for another dozen pages or so.
"The fact that when you drink you can hold your liquor is no excuse for drinking all the liquor you can hold."

A Dad's advice to his Son.

Offline Elkhound

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Re: Best Judgment- 2nd installment
« Reply #6 on: November 02, 2014, 08:31:54 pm »
IMHO, there was too much exposition here.  This was not so much a story as a gigantic info-dump.

Offline Elec P. Carpenter

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Re: Best Judgment- 2nd installment
« Reply #7 on: November 02, 2014, 09:07:15 pm »
IMHO, there was too much exposition here.  This was not so much a story as a gigantic info-dump.

My fault. I need to budget more than 47 minutes to write something I post for others to read. I won't make that mistake again.
"The fact that when you drink you can hold your liquor is no excuse for drinking all the liquor you can hold."

A Dad's advice to his Son.

Offline Laurna

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Re: Best Judgment- 2nd installment
« Reply #8 on: November 03, 2014, 01:11:54 am »
I like Sir Albin Haldane, and this unnamed assassin will be a difficult challenge. I foresee a few harrowing encounters in Prince Albin's future.

Offline Jerusha

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Re: Best Judgment- 2nd installment
« Reply #9 on: November 03, 2014, 09:53:13 am »
I'm looking forward to the next chapters and finding out how Sir Albin's current, hard-line attitude towards thieves and criminals leads to a "Best Judgment."
From ghoulies and ghosties and long-leggity beasties and things that go bump in the night...good Lord deliver us!

 -- Old English Litany

Offline Aerlys

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Re: Best Judgment- 2nd installment
« Reply #10 on: November 03, 2014, 03:49:44 pm »
Huzzah! A new installment from Elec P. Carpenter! I was beginning to fear you, too, had fallen victim to some sinister plot to prevent us from learning the story of Albin Haldane.

My fault. I need to budget more than 47 minutes to write something I post for others to read. I won't make that mistake again.

Hey, you accomplished more in 47 minutes than I can in 47 days.



Forty Seven Minutes Dedicated to Writing in Aerlys's Day:
(a.k.a No worries, Elec. ANYTHING is better than this!)


The wolves turned their attention to Rook. They l....

"Mom, look at Alfie!" Mini Mister shoves a toy robot in my face. "Look at his hand!" A carefully-balanced cracker in the toy's hand drops crumbs all over the floor.

"Wow, Alfie looks hungry."

"That's my cracker."

"Are you sharing?"

"Mmm hmm, and he's sharing with me, look!" Mini Mister begins to eat cracker from robot's hand.

"Very clever. Go finish your lunch."

"Ok."

Let's see, where am I? The wolves were...what? Licking? Looking? Oh, I remember...

They lowered their heads. Wait, no. Heads lowered...

"MOM!" The dog peed in my room!"

Sigh. I walk to the room. It's not pee, but a small, brown pile of unpleasantness.  Mess is cleaned up, dog deposited outside. Grab cup of coffee.

Let's try this again. Heads lowered, they growled menacingly... No, the other way. They lowered their heads as they approached, growling menacingly. Rook tried to stand..

"Mommy, is there such a name as Bernadette in this world in these days and not back then?" DD3 tugs on my skirt, clutching a little doll. My mind grinds as it switches gears and I try to translate the question.

"Oh, yes. There are people named Bernadette."

"Are they pretty?"

"Probably."

"Is it a good name for a doll?"

"Yes, I think so."

"OK. Thanks, Mom. Come on, Bernadette." Skips away.

Mini Mister climbs up next to me with a pile of books. DD3 skip back in, and tries to squish in between him and me. "MOOOOVE!" she whines.

"I want to be next to her!" Mini Mister shoves back. Books slide to the floor.

DD3 points. "You're making a mess! Pick up the books from the floor! Mooooom! He's making a mess!" She picks up a book, and sets it on his head.

"STOP!"

"OK you two, out!" I take them to the table, find them something else to do.

Rook tries to stand, but his head...

DD1 comes in with the cheese slicer. "Can you fix this? It's stuck." I try to unstick the adjuster, and nearly slice off my finger. Go to bathroom, clean and bandage injury. Sit back down to keyboard. Try to type with fat finger.

...swamm siukineningky.  Argh!  ...swam sickeningly. He couldn’t even get to his knees. Instead, he curled himself into a tight ball and squeezed his eyes shut.

RINNNG!!!!

Answer phone. ""Allo? Yes, please is this the lady of the house with whom I am speaking? I am with Microsoft Word and am calling about your windows computer that is needing to have fixing..."

Grind teeth. "I have told you. We don't HAVE a Windows computer!  STOP CALLING..."

Click!


Grumble, grumble...

Return to laptop, only to find it is overheating again.  Mentally calculate how much longer we need to wait until we can get a new computer, and pray this one doesn't croak before then.

I turn it off, and search for chocolate.
"Loss and possession, death and life are one, There falls no shadow where there shines no sun."

Hilaire Belloc

Offline Aerlys

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Re: Best Judgment- 2nd installment
« Reply #11 on: November 03, 2014, 03:53:41 pm »
And don't ask how long it took to write THAT! You don't want to know... ;)
"Loss and possession, death and life are one, There falls no shadow where there shines no sun."

Hilaire Belloc

Offline Evie

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Re: Best Judgment- 2nd installment
« Reply #12 on: November 03, 2014, 04:19:21 pm »
* Evie dies laughing

YES!  YES YES YEEESSSS!!!!  That's exactly what it's like trying to write when my kids are home, and mine are nearly grown, not to mention there's only two of them!  ;D  Most of my writing in my children's younger years had to wait until after their bedtimes, but unfortunately "bedtime" for my DD is now after my own, due to my present work schedule necessitating an earlier start to the day than I used to have to cope with.  So I don't even get that break anymore.

Elec, I envy your 47 minute chapter.  I used to be able to write those on occasion, but nowadays, not so much.  *wistful sigh*
« Last Edit: November 03, 2014, 04:21:11 pm by Evie »
"In necessariis unitas, in non-necessariis libertas, in utrisque caritas."

--WARNING!!!--
I have a vocabulary in excess of 75,000 words, and I'm not afraid to use it!

Offline Elec P. Carpenter

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Re: Best Judgment- 2nd installment
« Reply #13 on: November 03, 2014, 04:40:38 pm »
Yup, and it only seems to come together on a free Sunday morning which doesn't come along often. After 9 hours at work and a commute home, I'm lucky if I can create dinner from leftovers much less acceptable prose.
"The fact that when you drink you can hold your liquor is no excuse for drinking all the liquor you can hold."

A Dad's advice to his Son.

Offline Jerusha

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Re: Best Judgment- 2nd installment
« Reply #14 on: November 03, 2014, 06:28:04 pm »
Aerlys, I am so waiting for your story when it is eventually ready for posting!  :)

I found wonderful dark chocolate made to be paired with wine.  Please have some (of both) - you've earned it!  ;)

(And when Mini Mister grows up to be a famous author, we'll know where he got it from!)
From ghoulies and ghosties and long-leggity beasties and things that go bump in the night...good Lord deliver us!

 -- Old English Litany

 

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