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Author Topic: Zane  (Read 7947 times)

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Offline DesertRose

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Re: Zane
« Reply #15 on: June 24, 2013, 06:01:14 pm »
You did the right thing, Elkhound, even though you miss him terribly.

It'll be a while, maybe a year or more, before it stops hurting so badly.
"If having a soul means being able to feel love, loyalty, and gratitude, then animals are better off than a lot of humans."

James Herriot (James Alfred "Alfie" Wight), when a human client asked him if animals have souls.  (I don't remember in which book the story originally appeared.)

Offline Elkhound

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Re: Zane
« Reply #16 on: June 24, 2013, 07:59:06 pm »
He's going into the same columbarium niche as my father's ashes, given that he was father's cat first.  We're having a memorial service tomorrow; the Scripture will be from Gen. 9, the story of the Rainbow.

Bless Fr. Jupin for allowing it!


Offline Shiral

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Re: Zane
« Reply #17 on: June 25, 2013, 01:18:31 am »
Zane does sound like he was an awesome kitty companion, and I'm glad you had the time you had with him.

Oh, he was. 

Every time I walk past one of his sleeping places--he had many favorites--I still look as though I expected to see him there. 

Mornings are hardest, as he always wanted some snuggle time then.

I understand completely, Elkhound.  It's a definite loss--he was your beloved companion for a long time.  Amazing how an animal as small as a cat can make a home so much more than just rooms full of your things.  You keep looking around, thinking you'll see them come trotting in.  My two also like the morning snuggle hour. But I think MAYBE they're also thinking  "Breakfast time. Get up and feed us, you fool!"

Melissa
You can have a sound mind in a healthy body--Or you can be a nanonovelist!

Offline Elkhound

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Re: Zane
« Reply #18 on: June 25, 2013, 12:25:47 pm »
We had the memorial service, and it is amazing how much better it makes me feel.

Do I still miss him?  Of course.  Am I still sad about it?  Of course.  But I don't feel like bursting into tears every time I think about him, and when I look at his favorite napping spots, or where the litter box was, or where his food was, it doesn't feel like I'm being kicked in the gut---more like a poke with a blunt knitting needle.   

Offline DesertRose

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Re: Zane
« Reply #19 on: June 25, 2013, 12:43:02 pm »
Then the memorial service did what it was supposed to do, help you deal with your grief.
"If having a soul means being able to feel love, loyalty, and gratitude, then animals are better off than a lot of humans."

James Herriot (James Alfred "Alfie" Wight), when a human client asked him if animals have souls.  (I don't remember in which book the story originally appeared.)

Offline Evie

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Re: Zane
« Reply #20 on: June 25, 2013, 04:36:53 pm »
I'm glad the memorial service helped to give you some sense of closure.   Sometimes a sudden loss makes the resulting grief harder to deal with because the loss is unexpected, therefore giving the mourner little to no time to prepare beforehand for its impact.

Fr Jupin sounds like a compassionate sort.   I'm glad you had someone to help make this time of transition easier for you.   :)
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Offline Elkhound

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Re: Zane
« Reply #21 on: June 25, 2013, 07:54:46 pm »
He's a wonderful priest.  He's leaving in November, alas.

Offline Elkhound

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Re: Zane
« Reply #22 on: July 22, 2013, 08:22:22 am »
I thought I had found closure, but it is all back.  I can't stop crying. 

Zane was my father's cat, as I may have mentioned, and having him around was like having a little bit of father, and that was also like having a bit of mother.  And now they're all three gone.

I want my mommy, I want my daddy, and I want my kitty!

I never married or had kids, and I have no siblings.  Please don't misunderstand, I would never, EVER do so wicked a thing as to commit suicide, but sometimes I wonder if it would make a particle of difference to the world if I were, some night, fall asleep and just not wake up.

Offline Evie

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Re: Zane
« Reply #23 on: July 22, 2013, 12:28:09 pm »
Even though grief, and the depression that often goes hand in hand with it, can tend to sap one's energy levels, it sounds like what might be an important part of self-care for you right now might be to spend some time hanging out with friends, as much as you feel able to.  Not necessarily a large group of people (for some, that can be more energy-sapping than re-energizing), but it sounds to me like that social interaction would be a healthy way of re-establishing a feeling of connection with others right now, and hopefully others who know you well enough to understand what you are going through right now and who care enough about you to want to help you through that pain.  Friendships won't be able to replace your parents or Zane, obviously, but they can help give vital support and keep you going through some of those moments when you're feeling empty and really missing your lost loved ones. 

And it's perfectly OK to cry.  You've experienced great losses, after all.  Everyone goes through the grieving process in their own way, and in their own time.
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Offline derynifanatic64

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Re: Zane
« Reply #24 on: July 22, 2013, 08:10:36 pm »
We're here for you!!
We will never forget the events of 9-11!!  USA!! USA!!

Offline Jerusha

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Re: Zane
« Reply #25 on: July 22, 2013, 08:16:44 pm »
It would very much matter to us, Elkhound. We are here for you.
From ghoulies and ghosties and long-leggity beasties and things that go bump in the night...good Lord deliver us!

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Offline Laurna

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Re: Zane
« Reply #26 on: July 23, 2013, 04:16:21 am »
Elkhound, I've not known you for very long but I have come to appreciate your whit, candor, and support.("sunsetty sunrise" that still makes me smile). You followed me through my trials of writing and you have no idea what that meant to me. Loss is hard when you don't think anyone else cares. But I care and I see many others here who care. In my eyes, you are a part of this surprisingly open and supportive group of people.

I am a pet person too.  Pets fill our home with warmth: a meow, a purr, or a bark, they are true companions. If you let them, they will willingly become a part of your heart and your soul.  The only downfall is that their lives are far shorter than our own.  Three years ago I experienced a horrid loss of my four adult dogs to the ravage of a swarm of bees.  Only Rexxar survived. For weeks, I was devastated. In the house, we had a litter of five week old puppies. At the time those puppies were the only thing that gave me hope. I could not sell those puppies and now Sugar, Ivan and Arty are my new children and they own my heart.

I know you think it is too soon, but the one thing I have learned is that I can never, ever, be without my pets.  No matter how much trouble they appear to be on the surface, they are so worth letting into your heart. You do not need to actively search for a new pet, just keep your thoughts open for that kitten being given away in front of the store, or maybe the pet store where the shelter takes adoptable pets on the weekends. This new pet won't replace what you had in the past but a new puppy or kitten can bring renewed purpose and a motivation for looking forward.

They may even wake you up very early to see that "dusky new dawn" ;)
Take care of yourself, Elkhound.
« Last Edit: July 23, 2013, 04:55:39 am by Laurna »

Offline Elkhound

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Re: Zane
« Reply #27 on: July 23, 2013, 08:10:20 am »
Thank you.  I will get another cat soon, but I'm not ready now.  Aside from anything else, as I am currently unemployed and my benefits are about to run out, I'm not sure how I'm going to care for myself, much less another living creature.  When I do, I've decided to go to the shelter.

Offline Elkhound

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Re: Zane
« Reply #28 on: July 23, 2013, 05:40:20 pm »
I went to the church garden and sat by the Columbarium and had a good long cry.  I'm kind of cried out now.  We'll see how I feel tomorrow.

Offline AnnieUK

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Re: Zane
« Reply #29 on: July 25, 2013, 03:29:25 am »
Sorry you're having such a tough time at the moment.

I lost two cats in quick succession a couple of years ago. While they never belonged to either of my parents, they came into my life shortly after my dad's death, and in some ways they helped more than humans did in getting over it. We got two new kittens last autumn, and on the day we went to pick them up I had a massive crying fit in the car park. It was like I had to grieve for my two old kittehs one last time before bringing the new ones home. So I understand something of what you are going through.

I hope the darkness fades and light starts to peek through for you very soon.

 

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